“Why does it hurt?”
It’s a question often whispered in the bedrooms, Googled in silence in the middle of the night, or silently buried in shame. For so many women, sex isn’t pleasurable, it is painful and sometimes impossible.
Unfortunately, vaginal pain during penetration isn’t something many women often openly talk about. Women who experience this are thrown into a maze of confusion and usually isolation because of the stigma and the cult of silence surrounding it.
But here’s the truth, you’re not alone, and what you’re experiencing is a very real medical condition with a name – Vaginismus.
Let’s break the silence around vaginismus. We’ll guide you through what it is, why it happens, how it is diagnosed, and the helpful treatments you can get.
What Is Vaginismus?
Vaginismus is a condition where the muscles around the vagina contract (tighten up) involuntarily and make penetration very painful, difficult, and impossible. The body is kind of clenching, like it’s expecting danger, and makes any form of penetration (a penis or even a tampon) painful.
No, it is not always about a lack of sexual arousal. In fact, many women with vaginismus are sexually aroused, however, their bodies do not get the memo, and these contractions are unintentional.
The truth is, vaginismus is more common than most people think. Many women silently live with it, however, the exact numbers aren’t known. This could be because the affected women are either embarrassed by it or do not even know it has a name. If you experience vaginismus, know that you are not alone, and you are not imagining it.
What Causes Vaginismus?
Experts aren’t sure why some women experience vaginismus, which can be frustrating when all you want is answers. In some women, vaginismus may even develop after they have had pain-free vaginal penetration, making it even more confusing.
What we do know, based on research and clinical experiences, is that there are some common triggers associated with vaginismus. They include:
- Sexual trauma or abuse
- Fear of pain, especially if you’ve had painful sex or medical exams in the past.
- General anxiety, including about sex.
- Fear of “first-time” experiences.
- Cultural or social beliefs that frame sex as shameful or dangerous.
- Pelvic floor muscle dysfunction, where the muscles tighten up or spasm involuntarily.
- Medical conditions like infections or childbirth injuries.
In some cases, vaginismus can occur without any obvious cause. This doesn’t make the pain less real. The important thing to note is that it isn’t your fault.
What Are the Symptoms of Vaginismus?
One of the most common symptoms of vaginismus is pain or difficulty in vaginal penetration. This can show up in different ways for different women. Some women describe it as a burning or stinging sensation, while others describe it as “hitting a wall”.
For others, vaginal penetration is impossible. These symptoms could occur with the insertion of tampons or menstrual cups, fingers, a penis, or even a speculum during a gynaecological exam.
Other symptoms of vaginismus may include:
- Involuntary tightening or clenching of the vaginal muscles.
- Sharp or intense pain during attempted vaginal penetration.
- Pelvic muscle spasms that feel out of your control.
How Is Vaginismus Diagnosed?
If you suspect that you have vaginismus, seeking help is recommended. Your doctor will ask you about your symptoms, any history of pain during intercourse or with pelvic exam, and your sexual history.
Then, a gentle pelvic exam may be done, with your consent, to rule out other possible causes. If you have vaginismus, your pelvic floor muscles may involuntary tighten when vagina penetration is attempted, even with a finger or a small speculum. Some women may not tolerate the exam at all, and this could also be a helpful diagnostic clue.
Can Vaginismus Be Treated?
The good news is, yes, it can be treated! With the right treatment and support, many women eventually have pain-free vaginal penetration and enjoyable intimacy with their partners. If you experience vaginismus, here are some gentle and effective treatment options to help you heal:
- Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy: A trained pelvic floor therapist will teach you how to relax your vaginal muscles using gentle and targeted exercises.
- Vaginal Dilators: These are smooth, tube-shaped tools in different sizes that help stretch the vagina. Under the guidance of a specialist, these tools can make you more comfortable with vaginal penetration over time.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Since anxiety, trauma, or fear play a major role in vaginismus, therapy is very crucial in the healing process. CBT helps you understand how your thoughts affect your behaviour and targets the negative beliefs about sex.
- Sex Therapy, Education, and Communication: Understanding your body and feeling safe with your partner is important. Trained sex therapists can help you and your partner find pleasure in your relationship.
How Can I Support a Partner With Vaginismus?
If your loved one is dealing with vaginismus, your support can make a whole lot of difference. Here are some simple ways you can be there for her:
- Believe her: This is the first step. Vaginismus is not something she’s doing on purpose. Listen to her without judgement and understand that her pain is real.
- Go at her pace: Healing takes time. Let her set the pace for physical intimacy. Explore other non-penetrating ways to connect with her. Intimacy is about trust and not just sex.
- Join her healing journey: Many couples benefit from counselling therapies. Be open to it and don’t shy away from conversations.
- Be kind: Now is not the time to assign blame, because it is not her fault. Let her know you are there for her every step of the way. Be her cheerleader and celebrate small wins.
Final Thoughts
Vaginismus stigma silences open conversation, blocks healing and can leave women feeling alone. We need to end that. Whether you have just learnt the name of what you have been experiencing, or you have been silently suffering for years, know that there is hope and there is healing.
If you’d like to start your healing journey and aren’t sure what to do, you can speak with a Fertitude pelvic floor therapist.
Frequently Asked Questions
- Is vaginismus “just in my head”?
No, it is not. It is a real medical condition that involves involuntary and uncontrollable vaginal muscle contractions. It is not normal, and you are not imagining it.
- If I can get sexually aroused, does that mean I don’t have vaginismus?
Many women with vaginismus still feel sexual desire or arousal. However, when vaginal penetration is attempted, the vaginal muscles can tighten up and make it painful or impossible.
- Is it only women who have never had sex that can have vaginismus?
No. Some women who have had pain-free sex before can develop secondary vaginismus for different reasons, but often due to trauma or medical procedures.
- Is vaginismus common?
Yes, however, it is underdiagnosed. So many women silently suffer from vaginismus due to fear, stigma, or shame. It is more common than you think.
- Can vaginismus be cured?
Yes! Vaginismus can be cured with the right treatment and support.
References
Vaginismus: Dyspareunia, Causes, Symptoms, Treatment
